butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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