just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
