she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.