He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
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Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless