I'm retarded. Again.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...