i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.