u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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