It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.