opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
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I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS