Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway