I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
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I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room