Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
