I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
