I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
