I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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