1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
