Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
