Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
