This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
