Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
