Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize