Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
