I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
