I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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