i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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