I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
