For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
