Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
