Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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