Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
