I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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