I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Boobs are out for the taking
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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