I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong