you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
