I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
