I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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