help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
