I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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