whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
