took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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