The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
