Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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