I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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