The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
