but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
