apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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