Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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