I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
