just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
