i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We had sex on a dog bed..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
