There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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