so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
