help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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