At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
