I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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