dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
