i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
