I think i peed on brittanys purse
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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