How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Two words: nipple clamps
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