Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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