This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
sarcasm needs its own font
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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