i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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