Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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