I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
