Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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