Reggie can tackle my bush.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
