OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
