I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
