Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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