and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
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adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
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New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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