The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
