so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
