Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
