I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize