Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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