Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
