matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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