She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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