it was like eating out sand paper
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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